What a year!

Well it has been a year since I came to Utah. I can't believe I've made it this far. One thing that I realized it no matter how much we love our family it really is our friends that get us through life. I love my family very much but they just can't be there for me. And it's not that I live far away because even when I lived near them they just weren't there for me. I really don't know why. Maybe because I have been so independant my whole life...who knows. But if I did not have the support system that I do here in Ogden then I don't think I could have made it through losing a dear friend(not dead just now not friends), my grandfather dying unexpectedly, a grandfather figure dying, getting through this job and all the drama that comes with it, and my birthday that I was so determined to have fun on. It was the best day ever!!!!!!! Best birthday ever!!!!!!! I was throwing a party and then my friends took me to a Jazz game! We lost but just being there was so great! Then we came home to cake and ice cream and watched Rear Window. Best time ever watching that movie...usually I fall asleep. It has just been great. Life is good. The only thing I am regretting and don't know how to fix is losing my friendship with Deborah. I realize I do miss her. But I know she doesn't think of me ever. She never really cared for me that way. I guess I'm too emotional and I get too attached. It's wierd friends that I can still call friends but never see I don't miss. I guess because I know they are always there. But with Deborah I do miss her. We had fun and really I know what happened but don't understand what happened. I know how she hurt me but I don't understand why. She never told me. She just told me to move out and I did. I sent her an invite to my party with a note on back but I don't think that she ever saw it. Who knows. I'm sure some would say to forget her but I haven't forgotten anyone in my life. And I'm serious when I say that. I remember everyone good or bad that has come through my life. I'm wierd like that. What to do???????!!!!!!