Chocolate, Panan and Christmas

Well for those of you who read my last blog I am feeling better and I´m not so sad. Things have been fun here. Even though I am still looking for a job and school here doesn´t start till January I have kept myself preocupied. I learned how to make chocolate from the Cocoa seed. It´s so cool and very yummy. I´ll think about sharing the recipe....just kidding. It´s very easy but time consuming. So you have to break open the pod and take the white stuff off the seeds. You can eat the white stuff but I don´t like it. Then you have to let the seeds ferment for 2 days. Then you dry the seeds in the sun for 2-3 days. Then they are ready to toast in a frying pan. Then you have to take the shell off of them and then you get to grind them adding cinnamon, vanilla, peanuts and sugar. Pretty much thats it. You can use this so make hot chocolate or just eat it. It´s not as bitter as dark chocolate but not as sweet as milk chocolate. It´s just good. I´ll post pictures as soon as I get my camera back, its in the capital.

So I´ve been spending alot of time with a family in Panan. It´s a little town about 20min by bus outside of San Antonio. This family has a nephew they want me to marry. He is very nice and a return missionary. We´ll see how it goes. I´ll keep you all updated. Oh and his name is Josue which in English is Joshua.

So here is my Christmas picture. I am very excited about this picture because I have gone down one size in my clothing. I don´t know how much weight but I am excited to know it´s happening for me. Finally after all the gyms and diets in the states and after only 1 1/2 months of living here and I´m losing weight!!!! Yah!!!!

Me and my best friend Mariela.

Christmas was good. We ate Turkey and Tamales and mashed potatoes and salad. It was good. Here though they celebrate at midnight on the 24th. So I felt like a glutton but oh well. On the 25th I went and visited the family in Panan. We went swimming in the river that is in front of their house. I can´t complain it was a good week. Oh and last night we had a Young Single Adult dinner and dance and it was fun too. I´ll post more pictures soon and I´ll try to take more pictures as I lose weight!!! Merry Christmas to all and a very Happy and Prosperous New Year!

Life´s Little Wonders

So here I am in Guatemala. Land of the Book of Mormon. Land of the Eternal Spring. Shouldn´t I be happy? I broke up with my boyfriend of six months. That´s the longest I have been with anybody ever. I did it because i wanted him to focus on going on a mission. But then I couldn´t stop thinking about him and i felt i had made a serious mistake. well lo and behold he doesn´t care for me anymore. i guess that makes things easier but it seems harder now. i always thought of him as my back up plan...is that too harsh? that maybe if i couldn´t find anyone else he would always be there because he was the first one to say I Love You. It took me a little longer. now i´m worried that i will end up alone with no family, no children. i read all my friends blogs and see how happy they all are. they all have been married for awhile and have their family, their kids. sometimes i wonder if i´m being punished for some reason. also i wonder...should i just settle? whomever the next one is that says or acts like they like me do i just settle so i can have something and hope that one day i´ll love him? Augh!!!!!!!! I´m so tired of waiting, hoping, and praying that MY DAY will come. Then there are personal things going on that cause me to think did I make the right decision? Everytime I think it´s the spirit telling me what to do have I been wrong? Am I so alone in this world that even Heavenly Father has left me? Why couldn´t MY LIFE have been easy? Why did I have to be the good daughter and make correct choices when they haven´t brought me anything eternally speaking. I´m literally alone, confused, and wonder if somewhere along the line I made a terrible mistake. Should I have not gone on a mission? Should I have not come to visit that first time here in Guatemala where I fell in love with this country and it´s people? Should I have given that first guy in Boise a chance when he wanted to date me? Should I have said yes that first time a guy from my mission asked me to marry him when I first came here to Guatemala? Should I stop asking Heavenly Father what to do and just do whatever I want? Sigh. Why does Christmas time always seem so sad for me?! Sigh.