Life´s Little Wonders

So here I am in Guatemala. Land of the Book of Mormon. Land of the Eternal Spring. Shouldn´t I be happy? I broke up with my boyfriend of six months. That´s the longest I have been with anybody ever. I did it because i wanted him to focus on going on a mission. But then I couldn´t stop thinking about him and i felt i had made a serious mistake. well lo and behold he doesn´t care for me anymore. i guess that makes things easier but it seems harder now. i always thought of him as my back up plan...is that too harsh? that maybe if i couldn´t find anyone else he would always be there because he was the first one to say I Love You. It took me a little longer. now i´m worried that i will end up alone with no family, no children. i read all my friends blogs and see how happy they all are. they all have been married for awhile and have their family, their kids. sometimes i wonder if i´m being punished for some reason. also i wonder...should i just settle? whomever the next one is that says or acts like they like me do i just settle so i can have something and hope that one day i´ll love him? Augh!!!!!!!! I´m so tired of waiting, hoping, and praying that MY DAY will come. Then there are personal things going on that cause me to think did I make the right decision? Everytime I think it´s the spirit telling me what to do have I been wrong? Am I so alone in this world that even Heavenly Father has left me? Why couldn´t MY LIFE have been easy? Why did I have to be the good daughter and make correct choices when they haven´t brought me anything eternally speaking. I´m literally alone, confused, and wonder if somewhere along the line I made a terrible mistake. Should I have not gone on a mission? Should I have not come to visit that first time here in Guatemala where I fell in love with this country and it´s people? Should I have given that first guy in Boise a chance when he wanted to date me? Should I have said yes that first time a guy from my mission asked me to marry him when I first came here to Guatemala? Should I stop asking Heavenly Father what to do and just do whatever I want? Sigh. Why does Christmas time always seem so sad for me?! Sigh.